The Art Of Connecting With Students [Part Five]

In this series, I've attempted to give you some of the key markers that describe a connecting relationship.

All of the first four markers - Beginning, Breakthrough, Bonding, Building - can take place in the midst of our work with student leaders. But there's a final stage that moves past the role of advisor and student. It comes about long after we've moved past those descriptions.

The final level of a connecting relationship is Blessing.

This is the hardest of the five stages to define. There can be glimpses of the blessing stage within each of the other stages, but it’s only after much time and much love do we realize the depth and value of this kind of connecting relationship. It is the culmination of two lives spent fulfilling the first four stages. It is reached by very few. More often than not, connecting relationships that reach the level of blessing are more realized at the end of things then they are at the beginning of and in the midst of things. 

The Blessing phase may be characterized by:

* A closeness or sense of closeness that is evident in the midst of absence, distance, and lifetime pursuits.

* A realization that my life has been altered or changed for the better because of this person. They feel the same way about us.

* Extremely high level of mutual trust and respect.

* A strong sense of devotion and willingness to do anything for the other person.

* A high level of confidence that the other person has my best interests at heart.

I'm not going to spend much time trying to explain it because it is difficult to put into words. I will offer you a passage from Mitch Albom's captivating book,“Tuesdays With Morrie.”

I'll set the scene a little bit: Mitch has been meeting for weeks and weeks with his old college professor, Morrie.  Morrie has contracted Lou Gehrig’s disease, a brutal, unforgiving illness of the neurological system.  The topics have ranged from fear and regrets to money and family.  All along the way, Mitch and Morrie connect.  The following is from their last encounter together before Morrie passes away.  Mitch walks into the bedroom where Morrie lays, crippled by his disease, and gasping for each and every breath.

There he is, I said, mustering all the excitement I could find in my empty till.
He exhaled, shut his eyes, then smiled, the very effort seeming to tire him.

“My . . . dear friend . . .” he finally said.

I am your friend, I said.

“I’m not . . . so good today . . .”

Tomorrow will be better.

He pushed out another breath and forced a nod. He was struggling with something beneath the sheets, and I realized he was trying to move his hands toward the opening.

“Hold . . .” he said.

I pulled the covers down and grasped his fingers. The disappeared inside my own.  I leaned in close, a few inches from his face. It was the first time I had seen him unshaven, the small white whiskers looking so out of place, as if someone had shaken salt neatly across his cheeks and chin. How could there be new life in his beard when it was draining everywhere else?

Morrie, I said softly.

“Coach,” he corrected.

Coach, I said. I felt a shiver. He spoke in short bursts, inhaling air, exhaling words. His voice was thin and raspy. He smelled of ointment.

“You . . . are a good soul.”

A good soul.

“Touched me . . .” he whispered. He moved my hands to his heart. “Here.”

It felt as if I had a pit in my throat.

Coach?

“Ahh?”

I don’t know how to say good-bye.

He patted my hand weakly, keeping it on his chest.

“This . . . is how we say . . . good-bye . . .”

He breathed softly, in and out, I could feel his ribcage rise and fall. Then he looked right at me.

“Love . . . you,” he rasped.

I love you, too, Coach.

“Know you do . . . know . . .something else . . .”

What else do you know?

“You . . . always have . . .”
(p183-185)

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT: What keeps us from reaching the blessing stage as we connect with others?

SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT: Do you have a "Coach" or "Morrie" in your life?

: : : :

Tim Milburn
Student Leadership Trainer & Tool Maker
www.studentlinc.net

* * * *

Read The Art of Connecting With Students [Part Four]
Read The Art of Connecting With Students [Part Three]
Read The Art of Connecting With Students [Part Two]
Read The Art of Connecting With Students [Part One]
Read The Art of Connecting With Students [intro]