Who can forget the relationship that developed between Danny Laruso and Mr. Miagi in the movie, The Karate Kid? (What?! You've never seen it? Where have you been?)
More than teaching Laruso about karate, Mr. Miagi used the pain and realities of life to teach Danny how to be a man. The movie powerfully illustrates the role of nurturer in the life of a young teenager.
In the character of Mr. Miagi, we see a grace giver fleshed out. He does not demand. His own life becomes open for Danny to find what’s most important in life. In the end, Danny comes out on top.
As the movie comes to its dramatic close, you find yourself cheering over Danny’s victory. More than defeating a cocky kid from the enemy dojo in a karate match, (yes, I gave away the ending...but you've had 20 years to see the movie!) you realize his greatest opponent had been the obstacles he carried within himself.
And when the victory was sure, young Laruso having discovered the elusive balance he had sought, the final words of the film ring out above the applauding crowd,
"We did it, Mr. Miagi. We did it!"
The camera freezes on a short, Asian man who seems to be standing head and shoulders above the crowd; his face and countenance is beaming. He is Mr. Miagi. The model. The molder. The mentor. The nurturer.
As we bond with others, there’s still a tendency to focus on how the relationship affects me. It’s still somewhat self-centered, even though there may be mutual respect and genuine admiration for the other person. The relationship matures (or the connection deepens) as the two people begin to focus on the other…this is the Building phase.
Building becomes effective as I’ve walked through the previous three stages (beginning, breakthrough, bonding) with another person.
As I’ve laid a foundation of relationship with someone, spent my life getting to know them better and share experiences with them.
As I’ve come to a place where I can see what’s most important to them.
THEN, I am in the right place to truly add significant value to their lives. Before this, my teaching and guidance may be useful, but now it is meaningful.
“No man can become rich without himself enriching others.”
- Andrew Carnegie
Ways to build into the life of another:
1. Bring tools and resources to the table.
2. Share lessons learned from life experiences.
3. Offer your strengths and skills.
4. Accountablility.
5. Shared projects.
6. Recognizing untapped or unrealized potential.
The following is taken from a letter that I wrote to my staff about the importance of equipping (building) our students:
“Be not afraid of going slowly; be only afraid of standing still,” says the ancient Chinese proverb. Leo Tolstoy said, “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one things of changing himself.” And one famous philosopher said, “There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.”
Words of wisdom. They come in all forms. But they’re just words. Until they change a life. I heard one person say, “You better be careful because the life you lead just might be your very own.” What’s so great about this adventure called life is that we get to make some choices, and those choices count (i.e., personal hygiene is a good choice!). A life that never changes, never grows, never risks, never tries, is not a life, but an existence. Oliver Cromwell said it well when we wrote, “He who stops being better, stops being good.”
One of my mentors has taken the word “EQUIP” and formed the acronym: Encouraging Qualities Undeveloped In People. That sounds good to me. The next step is to equip them with tools and resources that will guide them on their journey toward achieving their potential.
I believe that adolescence is a key decision making time. Students begin to chart the course of their lives not only in the area of occupation, but also in personal habits, character, and relational skills. This is not a period of time where we can sit back and hope for the best. It is a season of growth like no other. The transition from childhood to adulthood is the laboratory for discovering what we will pack in our suitcase for the journey of life.
Working with students lets us walk alongside through the processes of discovery. What’s cool is that we also learn something in the process. It’s not about creating manuals with all the answers in the back. It’s about creating growth by wrestling with the issues of life together. There are four aspects to this model:
Relationships: Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care. This is realized as we are interested in who they are and what makes them tick. Helping them identify their strengths and weaknesses. Finding their heart before asking for their hand.
Personal Growth Plans: The only thing you truly have the ability to improve is yourself. In forming the patterns of our adult lives, we want to inspire students to develop a plan for their personal growth. Under the guidance of a mentor, these plans can be updated and reviewed on a regular basis.
Freedom To Fail: Henry Ford said, “Failure is the opportunity to begin again, more intelligently.” As I mentioned earlier, adolescence is a laboratory. Our guidance needs to be a safe place where students experience growth being modeled by people who care about them.
Taking Someone With You: Philip Yancey tells a story of Albert Einstein, who toward the end of his life, removed the portraits of two scientists Newton and Maxwell from his wall. He replaced them with portraits of Gandhi and Schweitzer. When asked why, Einstein explained that it was time to replace the image of success with the image of service. As we grow and develop, we need to invest in others and help them to do the same. A key to our continued growth is the ability to take others with us.
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT: Everything you know, you learned from someone else. Who are the people you need to express gratitude for the building they did in your life?
SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT: In the comments below, offer ways that you strive to build into the lives of students.
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Tim Milburn
Student Leadership Trainer & Tool Maker
www.studentlinc.net
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Read The Art of Connecting With Students [Part Three]
Read The Art of Connecting With Students [Part Two]
Read The Art of Connecting With Students [Part One]
Read The Art of Connecting With Students [intro]
[photo credit: IMDb]
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