Personal Growth: Learning To Set Boundaries

For many of us, our personal growth may come from letting go or stopping something rather than taking on something new.  Many benefit more from a "to don't" list than a "to do" list.  Setting boundaries is simply taking ownership of what is yours. We all know that setting boundaries in our lives is important but how do we actually do this? Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend in their book "Boundaries" say the following things are important in setting boundaries in place:

1. We need a good self-awareness. This is, being aware of our own feelings, attitudes, behaviours, thoughts, abilities, and choices, wants and limits. Know who you are, which means know what you think, feel, like, want and will do.

2. Know who you are not. What is not you, what you don't agree with, won't do and don't like.

3. Know how to use the word "NO" and practice it!

4. Don't blame others for any difficulties you experience.

5. Don't be a victim. Take responsibility for your own life - actions and reactions. Be proactive in bringing changes when necessary.

6. Persevere even when life is hard. Create goals for yourself and set about accomplishing them with perseverance.

7. Become active not passive. This means choosing to be an initiator.

8. Set limits. This is one of the most important areas. If we don't set limits when we allow others to be self-centred and irresponsible. We need to realise our limits of time, money and energy.

9. Choose values. Define who you want to be and where you want to go. Decide on your values and work towards your goals. Then take responsibility for your own choices.

10. Practice self-control. You can't have everything you want right now!

11. Accept others. If you want others to accept you and your limit setting then make sure you accept them and theirs!

12. Realize your separateness. Develop time and interests separate from the time and interests of those you love.

13. Be honest. With yourself and others.

14. Challenge distorted thinking. Truth sets us free - be open to learning, growing and wise counsel.