studentlinc

Expecting Greatness

Doug Sundheim has another great post today at Fast Company Now in regards to expecting greatness out of others.  He writes:

Something to consider:

When you expect greatness from someone, you set the stage for them to be great. You stretch their thinking. You help them raise the bar on what they see as possible for themselves. You force them to realize that playing small is not acceptable. And they usually rise to the occasion.

Something to try:

1. What would greatness look like from you or your team?
2. Be specific - how would actual behaviors be different?
3. Share your thinking with your team. Get input where appropriate.
4. Start to EXPECT those behaviors.
5. Make sure you embody those behaviors yourself.

Question: What forces you to rise to greatness?

Leadership Gone Bad

On Saturday, July 16, 2005, the Idaho Statesman ran an AP article (written by Allison Schlesinger) that had the following headline:

Police Say Coach Paid To Have Player Injured

I will recount the article and add some of my own comments to this horrific story...

PITTSBURGH - A T-ball coach allegedly paid one of his players $25 to hurt an 8-year-old mentally disabled teammate so he wouldn't have to put the boy in the game, police said Friday.

Okay, my stomach just turns as I read this story.  There are so many, many things wrong with this picture.  This is T-BALL folks.  This coach (I can't even call him that, he is the farthest thing from a coach that I've ever read about) intentionally meant to hurt (allegedly...but that's all I'm giving him in this post) one of his own players through one of the other kids.  C'mon you low-life, pick on someone your own size!!

Mark R. Downs Jr., 27, of Dunbar, is accused of offering one his players the money to hit the boy in the head with a baseball, police said.  Witnesses told police Downs didn't want the boy to play in the game because of his disability.

These are the kinds of stories where you may be tempted to want to take justice in your own hands.  I've been a coach for Little League for six years.  You are out there, as a coach, for the players.  In T-ball, it has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with winning.  It's about instilling a love for the game and teaching, teaching, teaching -- about more things than just baseball.

Police said the boy was hit in the head and in the groin with a baseball just before a game and did not play, police said.  "The coach was very competitive," state police Trooper Thomas B. Broadwater said.  "He wanted to win."

But did he win?  No.  He lost because he is a loser.  Losers may win a game or two, but they lose at life. This guy lost sight of all that was decent and went after a flimsy, paper crown.  Not only that, but he has hurt a lot of people along the way.

Downs was arrested and arraigned Friday on charges including criminal solicitation to commit aggravated assault and corruption of minors.  He was released from jail on an unsecured bond.

He better hide...people may start throwing baseballs at him.

The boy's mother asked state police to investigate her son's injuries because she suspected Downs wanted to keep the boy off the field, despite a league rule that required each player to participate in three innings a game, Broadwater said.  Eric Forsythe, the president of the R.W. Clark Youth Baseball League, said Downs had two daughters on the T-ball team....If Downs is convicted of any crime, he won't be allowed to be a coach next year.

How about, he won't be allowed to be near children for the next 10-20 years.

Coaches, Authority Figures, Bosses, Managers, Student Leaders - we all need to be aware of the needs of those who might not have all the resources that most of us have at our disposal.  That 8-year-old kid showed a tremendous amount of guts and courage to go out for T-ball and simply wanted to be on a team and play ball...just like everyone else.

There's a difference between simply coaching baseball and coaching kids. Winning with people will always go a lot farther than winning a game.  People will remember the coaches who helped them become great people.  They don't remember all that many games.

Ingredients of Integrity

Ever eaten a piece of cake that tasted funny, only to realize that the person who made it forgot to put in one of the ingredients. Ingredients are vital to completing the whole. Put them all together and you may not even realize that they're all there. But leave one out and you'll know right away. The same is true if we are to be leaders who exhibit integrity. Integrity takes the whole person. Take a look at the following list. It contains some of the key ingredients that are evident in the life of a leader who has integrity. After each item are some observations of how these facets of integrity can be applied in our everyday lives.

1. Be decisive. Weak leadership makes excuses and doesn't own up to mistakes; strong leadership understands its responsibilities and corrects its mistakes gently. You may make a mistake, but make the decision!  Integrity helps the leader to make decisions that are in line with one's values.

What decisions are you hesitating to make because of uncertainty or fear of failure?  What types of obstacles are in the way of you making the decisions that you, as a leader, need to make?

2. Be a gracious recipient of praise and be willing to accept valid criticism. While each of us enjoys the encouragement we receive, valid criticism is often our greatest learning tool. A leader of integrity realizes that we are constantly learning.  Most times, it is the difficult and painful things in life that teach us the most.

Are you able to surround yourself with people who don't always shower you with praise, but also are willing to point out areas of improvement or offer a different point of view? 

3. Be knowledgeable of those who are responsible to you. Pay attention to what’s going on in the lives of those who work with you and for you. They may need encouragement. They may need special instruction. They may need to get something off of their chest.  They may need extra moments of care.

Do you take the time to listen to those who need listening to (that's just about all of us)?  Rosa has a wonderful prescription for this called The Daily Five Minutes.

4. Be responsible. It’s important to be responsible in all areas of your life: schedule, family, spiritual health, etc. Be responsible by keeping your word and carrying through, by knowing how and when to say “No,” and by knowing when to say “I’m sorry” and “I was wrong.”

What are you responsible for?  Who have you brought alongside of you to help you accomplish your goals?  What kinds of responsibilities have you passed on to them?

5. Be enthusiastically positive. A positive attitude trumps a negative one...every time.  Are you thankful or critical? Remember -- what you are rubs off on others.

How do people feel when you leave a room?  Anticipating the next encounter or grateful for the reprieve?

6. Be aware of the purpose and mission of your organization. If you don’t understand it, your organization will be no larger than a grill full of pancakes or whatever task confronts you.  When you discover the bigger picture, you are better able to become a part of the unfolding story of your organization.

Do you know why your organization exists?  Do you know the importance and impact that your chapter of its story has and are you working to move that story in the right direction?

*This list was adapated from an article by Bob Kraning in The Journal of Camps and Conferences.

Commencement Addresses

Working with students is bittersweet.  Each year, a group of familiar faces departs for their bright futures, while a new gang of independence-hungry freshman set foot on campus.  One of the rights-of-passage for every graduating class is the commencement ceremonies.

I've listed some links to a few of (what I consider to be) some of the better commencement addresses to the Class of 2005 (with a highlight from the speech):

Steve Jobs speaking at Stanford University
"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

Allen Greenspan speaking at Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania
"Rules exist to govern behavior, but rules cannot substitute for character. In the years going forward, it will be your reputation--for integrity, judgment, and other qualities of character--that will determine your success in life and in business. A generation from now, as you watch your children graduate, you will want to be able to say that whatever success you achieved was the result of honest and productive work, and that you dealt with people the way you would want them to deal with you."

President George W. Bush speaking at Calvin College
"First, we must understand that the character of our citizens is essential to society. In a free and compassionate society, the public good depends on private character. That character is formed and shaped in institutions like family, faith, and the many civil and -- social and civic organizations, from the Boy Scouts to the  Rotary Clubs. The future success of our nation depends on our ability to understand the difference between right and wrong and to have the strength of character to make the right choices. Government cannot create character, but it can and should respect and support the institutions that do."

John Lithgow speaking at Harvard
"Be creative. Be useful. Be practical. Be generous. Simple as that."

Have you heard a good commencement speech (the best ones are the short ones)?  Actually, the best commencement speech I've heard (or read) is John Stewart's address at William & Mary last year.  You can get to it here.

Weeds & Roses

"Learning is not compulsory...neither is survival." - W. Edwards Deming

One of the things students notice and comment on when they come into my office is the number of books that I have.  There's always a couple of new ones on my desk and I usually have a small pile of Amazon.com boxes lying around.  They tend to ask...

"Why do you read so much?  I can't wait until I'm done with school, so that I won't have to "hit the books" anymore."

I typically respond by saying something about always wanting to learn new things and not becoming comfortable where I'm at in life and losing the ability to lead if I stop learning.  And I also tell them a little story...

My daughter Abigail approached me one day when she was four or five and said that she wanted to pick some flowers for mom and put them in a vase.  I said that was a great idea and we pulled a small vase down from the shelf and she grabbed it and ran outside.

About ten minutes later, she came back inside.  Her hands and face were covered with dirt.  But she proudly held up the contents of the vase.  She had crammed that thing full of ...weeds.  They had miniature, yellow buds on them; but they were definitely weeds.

I smiled.  She smiled.  I said to her, "Those are real nice, Abby.  But didn't you see the flowers we have blooming on the other side of the house?"

She didn't even know where the flowers were.  So I took her outside and we went around the corner of the house.  At first she smiled and giggled when she saw that we had some pretty amazing roses in full bloom.  But then she started to put her head down and I could tell something was bugging her.

"Why are you sad?  These are beautiful flowers!"

She raised the vase full of weeds up to me and cried, "There's no more room in my vase for the flowers."

I knelt down beside her and gave her a hug.  Then I asked her, "Which flowers would you rather give your mom?"  She lifted her finger and pointed at the roses.

So I slowly pulled the weeds out of the vase and laid them on the ground.  Then Abby and I went to work, cutting a few of the beautiful roses off the bush and arranging them in the vase.  When we were done, Abby was beaming as she carried the vase proudly into the house and set it on the table to surprise her mom when she got home.

Why do I read?  Why do I strive to keep growing?  Why do I continue to learn, even when I don't have to?

Because sometimes, I can only see the weeds and I need someone to come along and show me the roses.  I often operate out of a narrow view of experience and my world expands when I learn from others.  I often get comfortable with what I have in my own hand, then I meet someone who has some amazing things to teach me, and I realize that I need to set aside what I have (which may be good and honorable) in order to embrace something better.

I learn because I don't have all the answers (and I never will...isn't that a freeing thought?!).  I read because I'm not arrogant enough to think that I don't have to.  It's not that I think that I am the one that is always hanging on to the weeds and everyone else has discovered the roses.  It's more about learning to be able to tell the two apart.

I just figure there's more out there that I can discover and I won't be able to find it if I simply rely on my own limited knowledge and experience.  Besides, it's one of the best feelings in the world when you can turn a corner in your learning and discover some roses...some things that you never even knew before.

studentl.inc Turns 100!

I realize that this may be a small milestone to some.  But I'm always looking for a reason to celebrate.  In fact, I've been living in the midst of a blogging experiment for the last few months.

People start blogging for a number of reasons and purposes.  I wanted to create an online resource for the numerous student leaders that I work with.  I also wanted to make those resources available to others (both students and those who work with them).  I started the studentl.inc blog as a way to reach some of those goals.

I wasn't sure that blogging would be valuable until I really got into it.  I chose to host my blog on Blogger because it was the best free blogging site (in my opinion) on the internet.  As I went along, I made myself a deal.  If I blogged at least 100 entries, then I'd know that I had developed a blogging "habit."  At that point, I would invest some money in this thing and move it to a blogging host that would provide me with more of the features I was looking for.  So here I am at TypePad.

And this is post #100 for studentl.inc!  If you haven't read much from this blog, I will give you what I consider to be five of my favorite posts:

• Do You Like People?
• Positional vs Powerful Influence
• What's Unique About A Student Leader?
• Thoughts From Outgoing Student Leaders
• Ten Ways We Get Confused Over Communication

I want to say thank you to some of the people who have helped me learn about blogging and showing me the ropes around the blogosphere: bren @ slackermanager.com, rosa @ talkingstory, and terry @ terrystorch.com.  All of these people write great blogs and it's been fun to share the journey with them.

Looking forward to the next 100 posts.

100 Ways To Help Student Leaders Succeed [#9]

Ten Ways We Get Confused Over Communication

1. We thought that we could take someone else's message and simply pass it on.
This is like learning to paint by numbers. The true artist paints from an inborn passion about what s/he sees. When we paint by numbers, we attempt to copy someone else's passion. If we want people to truly hear our message, it must be communicated with passion and belief. We must own it. We must communicate the importance of our message. This happens when we're are able to communicate with conviction. If we are not gripped by our message, our hearers won’t be either.

2. We thought the message was more important than the people we were talking to.
There's a difference between talking to a wall and talking to a person. Yet, if we don't communicate properly we may get the same response from both. Our message must communicate a belief in people. Our communication must show respect and what kind of expectations we have in our hearers. If those who receive our message feel like they are being talked down to or belittled, they will turn us off quickly.

3. We thought that how we lived didn't have an effect on what we said.
Many times we try to communicate from the perspective of the person we'd like to be instead of the person we are. Authenticity is a powerful communication tool. We must communicate with words consistent with our actions. If we talk the talk, but it doesn’t match the way we walk the walk, then we will face a credibility issue. Sometimes the way we live our lifves speaks so loudly people can’t hear what we’re saying - unless the two match up.

4. We thought that leaders should always say something.
A leader may be passionate, knowledgeable, and have something very worthwhile to say. But if the message is delivered at the wrong time, it won't have a chance to connect with the hearer. There are times we must know when to communicate and when to be silent. Leaders understand that the right message given at the wrong time can have negative consequences. Consider the timing of every communication. Ask yourself – Is this the right time to say this?

5. We thought that our own style of communication would work in every situation.
While we may have a certain way of communicating that is most comfortable to us, our hearers have a variety of ways that they process information. Use variety. Mix it up. Within the first 15 seconds of our communication, people are making decisions as to whether they will keep listening or reading. What will we do to make our message stand out from the rest? The key is to be creative while remaining consistent and understandable.

6. We thought that people would know how to respond to our message.
When I was in the third grade, the popular way to ask a girl if she liked you was to write her a note expressing your affection and then give her three options to proclaim her answer (yes, no, and my personal favorite...maybe). Of course, my preferred (but often rejected) response was a "yes, but at the very least, I had let her know her options. When we communicate, we must clarify the appropriate response. We should help our hearer to know how they should respond to our communication. Clearly spell out what kind of action steps they need to know. Give appropriate deadlines and guidelines if necessary.

7. We thought that we only had to say it once.
The truth is, we need to say the important things often.  Dr. Phillip E. Bozek in his book, 50 One-Minute Tips to Better Communication says, “Busy readers tend to notice the beginning and endings of documents. Place must see information in strategic first and last locations on the page, and place the less important details in middle paragraphs.” In whatever mode of your communication, if it’s important, it’s worth repeating.

8. We thought that all we had to use was words.
With all of the options available to us through technology and the internet, there is no reason for us not to use visuals and media to enhance our message. Many times it is not enough to say something in order for our hearers to get it, a message must be demonstrated and visualized as well. It is true that a picture can sometimes say it better than we can.

9. We thought if we had something important to say, that people would naturally connect with us.
One of the first questions your hearer asks themselves is, "Who are you?" They won't believe your message unless they find you believable. It is our responsibility to connect with our audience. People need to develop some kind of relationship with us if they are going to hear what we’re saying. The definition of rapport is “Relationship, especially one of mutual trust or emotional affinity.” The rule of thumb is: No rapport – No response.

10. We thought that people wanted to hear every detail.
The best communicators have the ability to take something complex and to make it simple, understandable. Because there is so much information to sort through out there, we must keep our communication brief. A shorter, concise, focused statement communicates much louder than pages of detailed information. Most of the time, brevity will be our best friend. Remember, our job as a communicator is to express, not impress. We shouldn't try to wow our audience with our expansive wisdom. Just say what needs to be said in a way that people will hear it.

I Don't Want My Life To Be Lame

Got a phone call tonight that the husband of one of my coworkers passed away today.  He'd been battling cancer for the last year.  The fight ended for him today.  She, on the other hand, will continue to battle new things now.  Loss.  Loneliness.  Learning to live with this kind of gut wrenching change.  She's a tough lady.  I know she'll be okay.  But these kinds of things make the world look different no matter who you are.

So my thoughts and prayers are with her today.  I'm wondering how I can support her.  I'm wondering if she'll come back to work in the Fall.  I'm wondering a lot of things.

Death always forces us to confront our own mortality.  I don't want my life to be lame.  Once again I'm reminded of things that are most important.  People.  Family.  Love.  Those are the things that I want to be invested in.  When this body of mine breathes it's last breath, I want to be remembered for all that I gave to the world, not for what I took from it.

I like what author Ann Lamotte says in her latest book, Plan B: "On the day that I die, I want to have had dessert."  Like her, I want to enjoy all that God's creation has to offer.  I want to be a part of someone's happiness and good memories.

Legacies aren't something you create for yourself.  They're something that you do for others.

If You Can't Be In Hawaii, Then Bring Hawaii To You!

One of the beauties of writing a blog is that you get to know other bloggers.  You learn from them.  You like them.  You recommend them to others.

One of the blogs that I've found challenging, inspiring, and read it like a heartfelt letter from an old friend - is Rosa Say's Talking Story.  Rosa lives in Hawaii.  You know that the moment you step foot in her blogosphere.  I've been to Hawaii (Oahu, Hawai'i, & Maui) about a dozen times in my life.  Every time I step foot off the plane, I feel different...better.  I love spending time over there.  I learned to scuba dive there.  Every experience in Hawaii is a memory worth saving, cherishing.

To some extent, that's the way you feel when you read Rosa's blog, catch some of Rosa's passion.  You feel different, you realize that she walks on Hawaiian soil everday of her life.  She communicates Hawaii better than anyone I know. (See how she responds to one of my comments here)

Rosa has started a Word of Mouth (errr...Word of Blog) campaign to let you know about a wonderful resource: Managing with Aloha - A ChangeThis manifesto for FREE!

I haven't had the chance to read Rosa's book, but the manifesto is a wonderful nugget of management wisdom - Hawaiian style!  I have learned so much about the inherant beauty, depth, and values within the Hawaiian language.  Rosa transposes these values into practical wisdom that each of us can incorporate into our own lives, organizations, and relationships.

What Rosa provides is more than just a "how-to" list of better business practices, she provides a new set of glasses through which to view the world.  Each month she focuses on specific areas of improvement and practice.

So take a moment and read her manifesto.  Download it here.  And then join the Ho‘ohana community by reading Rosa's blog here.

Mahalo nui Rosa!

100 Ways To Help Student Leaders Succeed [#8]

The Key Is Communication Because Communication Is Key

Everyday, people are bombarded with information and messages.  We read newspapers, textbooks, magazines, blogs, watch tv, listen to the radio or cd's, look at billboards, and so on and so on.  Our society is saturated with people trying to tell us something and sell us something.  Too often, we simply tune out most of the efforts of others.  That's not a bad thing.  If we tried to listen and take in everything, we'd break into serious information overload and end up in a padded room drinking Big Macs through a straw.

Most of the time, we only listen (note: there's a difference between listening and hearing!) to the messages that we feel are most important to us.  Because of this, student leaders need to communicate in such a way that those you are speaking to are listening to what you’re saying. 

The common mistake that many make when it comes to communication is feeling like they’ve truly communicated once they’ve gotten the information “out there.”  But that’s only half (and not necessarily the most important half) of appropriate communication.  People may hear what you're saying, but that doesn't mean that they're listening. 

Think about how many times you've been talking to someone and they are responding with "Uh huh," but their eyes are glued on the book or television show they're watching.  They hear you talking...but they don't hear what you're saying.

The tricky thing is that listening involves more than just hearing.  It includes:

• Internalizing
  Your information needs to be more than “in one ear and out the other.”  It needs to stop somewhere in between the ears of your hearer.


• Relating
  Your information needs to somehow make a connection with your hearer.  They need to find meaning, value, and importance in your message.


• Applying
  Your information should move them toward the intended response or action.  If you’ve asked your hearer to do something and they don’t do it you may need to follow-up or find out what the issue is.

"The art of communication is the language of leadership." - James Humes

Much of the problem-solving and crisis activities that a student leader deals with relates back to communication issues.  We talk, people hear, but no one's really listening.  Or maybe we're the ones who aren't listening.  People make assumptions or have unmet expectations because proper communication did not take place.  Communication is a two-way process.  In order to raise the level of your leadership, your influence, your success...a student leader must invest in the quality of his or her communication skills.